Losing grip

It’s been two months since my last vacation in Lebanon. It’s usually enough time for me to start missing it there. But I’m not. I’m not happy where I am neither. I might have lost an important feature of a human being.

Human emotions.

I’ve become apathetic about everything around me. I go to work everyday like a zombie. I don’t even need music for my way to and back from work. Each song is merely a succession of notes, not an entity.

I watch my favorite shows but they don’t entertain me as before.

I eat my favorite dishes, they seem tasteless to me.

Bike rides are just series of pedal strokes and wheel revolutions.

I lost my motivation.

I’m getting all sorts of criticism and judgment at work, but that’s not even affecting me one bit.

Stress is a complete stranger to me.

Nothing thrills me but nothing bugs me neither.

I have become numb, mentally and emotionally.

I’m wandering in those slippery paths of life. They seem too clean and empty to me.

Am I losing grip on reality?

To leave the comfort zone

Why do we have to suffer when we have the choice not to?
Why do we have to take the bumpy roads and endure more risks when we can take the highway?
Why, instead of taking the shortcuts, we take the longest possible way from A to B?
Why do we not listen to people close to me and always make the decisions that make me comfortable, hence make my life more complicated. You get the point.

Life is a path traced by the succession of decisions that we make out of a myriad of choices. At each crossroads, we have to make a choice. I usually make the wrong decisions, maybe most of the time based on the current moment, rather in an emotional than a rational way. I might have to learn long-term thinking, to have a vision behind the decisions I make and forget about my comfort zone that I tend to hold on to like grim death.

Each wrong decision is followed by a chain of actions aimed at rectifying that original one, wasting time, energy, motivation and losing perspective on what I was aiming for in the first place.

Lessons of the day (or rather the year, based on the frequency of my posts lately): Act rational. Always have a vision